By Ryan Hapgood
I tore my ACL my freshman year of college, just two weeks before the start of my
first collegiate season at Dartmouth. It’s the kind of injury that feels unthinkable, until it happens to you. At the time, I felt like my whole world was falling apart. The sport that I had let define me for the past ten years of my life suddenly vanished. I had always tied my self worth to lacrosse and my performance on the field, when that was stripped away from me, I found myself in unfamiliar territory. Despite the overwhelming disappointment and sadness, I also felt a quiet sense of relief. A relief from the pressure I had been putting on myself for so long. Still, learning how to process these conflicting emotions in an unknown space proved to be difficult.
A quote that always stuck with me on the field, something my dad would often say, is that it doesn’t matter what mistakes you make, but how you react and respond to them. I applied that same mindset to my injury, “it’s not about what happens to you, but how you respond.” I decided that this injury would not define me, instead, it would be the ten months of hard work, discipline, and perseverance. I tried to maintain this mindset throughout my recovery, even when staying positive felt impossible.
Throughout my rehab, I learned how to celebrate the small victories, such as running and jumping for the first time again. I had a newfound appreciation for my ability to walk, stand up on my own, and even get up the stairs. These everyday actions I had taken for granted, became major milestones. Simply putting on my uniform for my first game back my sophomore year was monumental for me.
In the final quarter of the last game of my sophomore season, I re-tore my ACL. Despite reassurance from my parents, coaches, and even athletic trainers, I knew right away what had happened. The devastation was overwhelming, yet there was still that quiet sense of relief. This time, a relief from the frustrations of returning to lacrosse in addition to the usual pressure I put on myself to perform. Still, the thought of another ten month recovery ahead of me was daunting.
I had to look at the game and ask myself if I should walk away. How do I stay loyal to the game that has brought me so much pain, but also so much joy and opportunity? I had to think about my ‘why’. My ‘why’ came back to the people, the group of girls I get to surround myself with everyday, that constantly show up for one another in different ways. The first recovery had been possible because I knew every teammate had my back. That hadn’t changed. With their support, alongside my family, I knew I had the strength to come back once again.
The second round of rehab, however, was different. Physically, I knew what to
expect, but mentally, it was far more challenging. It was harder to celebrate milestones I had already reached just a year before. The physical rehab was not the challenge, it was the mental preparation of returning. That mental strength came from gratitude and learning how to be proud of myself, regardless of where I was in the process.
After spending time injured on the sideline for several months, I had a whole new perspective on the game. Whether I’m on the bench cheering on my teammates or on the field playing, I’m just grateful to be part of it. Simply getting to dress for games is a win in and of itself.
Everything I’ve gone through over the past two years has given me a new sense of confidence and resilience. I now trust that I can handle whatever challenges come my way. It has given me an appreciation for my friends who have supported me throughout this journey, my teammates who always have my back, and the school that I love despite not always being able to play the sport that has defined me for most of my life. What I will take away from lacrosse, is not the accolades, but the friendships, memories and experience itself.
My perfectionist mindset in competing has shifted to appreciation. Instead of only focusing on performance I am also celebrating the journey and enjoying every single moment of being healthy and able to play alongside my teammates. I’ve learned to find balance, to take pride in who I am beyond lacrosse, and to value every moment I get to play. Lacrosse has shaped me in countless ways, but it no longer defines me. And because of that, I know I’ll be ready for whatever comes next, both on and off the field.